What They've Lost

Our decision to homeschool was an unexpected one. The biggest doubter in the world was me. I never dreamed of homeschooling my children. I've always been committed to public schooling, and couldn't wait to go shopping for the Back to School clothes and supplies, yearned for my opportunity to volunteer in the classroom, was excited by the very thought of attending Parent/Teacher conferences. I loved the thought of packing lunches, helping with homework, and engaging the children in our morning routines. If you had asked me if I would ever consider homeschooling, I would have laughed and told you you were crazy.

Fast forward to 2010, when not only am I homeschooling all 3 of my children (by their choice, no less!), but I am a huge advocate of this educational plan. And not only are we homeschooling, but we have evolved to being very laid back homeschoolers. We don't follow a specific curriculum, we don't sit at the table doing worksheets, and there is no chalkboard in sight. Despite wanting to be a public school teacher all my life (just ask my little sister how I used to demand that my mom make her play school with me), I have found that the best way to educate my kids is the organic way.

There are some doubters in my family. Everyone seems to understand why homeschooling my middle son is a great choice- school is simply not designed to meet his special needs. But there are some who can't understand why I would allow the other two kids, who are average to above average achievers, to "drop out of school." So this post is going to address the things my children have lost by leaving school, and what the future might look like for them.

Things They've Lost

1. Stress. My children exhibit far fewer signs of stress than they did while in school. They still experience stress in our everyday lives, but they are able to manage it better since their attention is not pulled in twenty thousand directions.

2. Pressure. This kind of goes along with the "stress" piece, but it's such a huge loss to my kids, that I wanted to give it its own section. My children put a lot of pressure on themselves to succeed, to be perfectionists, to never make mistakes. While some of this can be good for overall lifelong success, too much pressure is detrimental to their self-esteem and to their ability to sustain the "perfection." Schools inadvertently force the kids to feel pressure. From day one, they are warned that "this is an MCAS year." They are pressured to do things they don't want to do (including learning things they are not ready or willing to learn yet). They are pressured into fitting into a box that isn't made for them. (Sort of like the stepsisters mutilating their feet in order to fit into Cinderella's slippers, only this is school induced. If the kids don't fit in the box, we as a society are supposed to chop and mold them until they do fit.) Pressure to be just like everyone else.

3. Boredom. Okay, I admit it. They still get bored. But now they have the power to do something about it! Would you want to choose a career where you are forced to sit in a room with people you may not really like, doing mindless tasks that you may not want to do, all the time, with no power to change it? I know there are many in this world who have chosen this path for themselves, but "chosen" is the key word. What say do our kids have? I want my kids to know that they can choose the path they take in life- so why not start now? Boredom serves a purpose- a challenge for your mind to find ways to engage. But the boredom they experienced in school was a hopeless, sad boredom. And they've lost it.

4. Bullying. Yeah, yeah, they have each other to bully, but somehow it seems less damaging than what goes on in schools. My kids were lucky enough to have never been subjected to bullying directly, but they were witnesses to it, and more than likely would have become either bullied or the bullies at some point during their school careers. We still deal with the online bullying component, but we're able to address it and learn from it directly. Anyone who tells you that kids "need" to deal with bullying in order to live in the "real" world is fooling you. Having a damaged self-esteem (no matter which side of the bullying a child falls on) in no way prepares you for life in the real world. When we run into bullying situations with other kids at parks, etc. we are able to deal with it, and the kids have the choice to not play near or with those kids. But how do they escape it in school?

5. The need to wake up early. No longer do I have to drag them, groggy eyed and cranky, out of bed in the morning. They wake when they are ready to wake, unless we have to go someplace. (Isn't this also how things work in the "real" world?) They do come to work with me two or more days per week, so they understand the need to get up to go to work. We need to remember that kids and teens, in particular, have different sleep schedules. I believe in honoring them. I have always believed that high schools should start later (afternoon to evening, rather than morning to afternoon), in order to allow kids to get the sleep they need. My daughter thrives on being able to follow her body's natural sleep/wake cycles.

6. Busy work. We get a lot of flack from people who don't understand how my kids can possibly learn without workbooks and text books. I challenge you to think of anything you've ever learned from a workbook? And text books are notoriously boring and lack the depth needed to truly learn a subject. So do I choose these for my kids? Nope. We do have workbooks laying around that they pick up on occasion, but I can't say they learn from them. They learn from living and experiencing the real world.

7. Anxiety. No more panic because they are nervous about doing the work the "right" way. No more fear that they'll be in trouble for having to go to the bathroom too many times, or for forgetting to bring their signed reading log. Kids have so much to deal with on a daily basis to begin with. I'm so happy they don't have to experience anxiety about things that are unimportant.

8. Fear of learning. Prior to homeschooling, my kids thought "learning" and "educational" were bad words. They would visibly cringe if I uttered those words. After months and months and months of having to hide our learning in fun activities, then pointing out to them that they were indeed learning, they are finally firm members of the "learning is fun" club. They know the value of learning through experience, of hands on, tactile exploration. They willingly watch educational dvds, the Science Channel, National Geographic, and Animal Planet are on our favorite channel lists, and they never fear asking questions about something they don't yet understand. They know that learning is life long, and when they are ready to learn something, they know exactly how to do it.

9. The need for learning to occur in a classroom. One of my favorite things to do is to take the kids on field trips. I absolutely love standing in the spring sunshine at Sturbridge Village, while the kids and I are deeply engaged in learning about life in colonial times. I can't accurately describe the look of relief on their faces when I say, "boy, this sure beats sitting in a classroom, doesn't it?" The fact is, school kids are given lots and lots of facts and information. Some of them are able to show their knowledge by acing a test or for writing a good research paper. Some are never able to succeed in school, but are able to go out and learn in the real world the things they failed to learn in school. Our school day does not end at 3pm. We don't have vacations from learning, we don't take snow days off. We learn year round, every minute. Our learning does not always look like learning to an outsider, but the knowledge these children are gaining shows itself in the most perfect moments, the way a bud emerges on a tree at just the right time and with exactly the right skill.

The one thing my kids and I have learned is that learning is not something that happens passively with someone telling you things. It's something that grows inside you, that you nurture and care for, and that fills you with joy and peace and knowledge. We have lost the strict adherence to society's rules of what we need to know and the arbitrary guidelines of when we should know it. Instead, we follow our own leads, down paths we didn't know we'd explore. And the beauty of those paths is undeniable.